At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
