The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need water and some morals
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
