I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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