I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
