Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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