Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
