In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
