I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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