bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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