My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
