see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
