your thong is hanging out like whoa
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
