i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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