All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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