hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
