Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
