Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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