First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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