You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
