I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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