It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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