I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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