Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
