My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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