I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
