This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize