I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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