Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
