So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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