found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
