Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
