I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
