Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
