Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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