I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
