No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
