Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
