I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
