Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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