i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
