grandma shit on top of the toilet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
