just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
