Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize