eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
