First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
