Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
