It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
