don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
