so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store