scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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