3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The Olympian is in my bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky