You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.