No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic