First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???