is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.