Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.