i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
