he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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