You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
