Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
