I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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