He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
