I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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