if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
