I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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