Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
