i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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