I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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