Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
