Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
