I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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