I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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