I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
