its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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