It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
