So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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