he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
