eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
