i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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