just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
