Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
