remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
