Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
