the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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