Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
