All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
