The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
try to milk me bitch
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