I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
