I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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