I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
