why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
