no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
