why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
