my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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