Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
